If you're like most people, and there are those who make quite a bit of money who assume you are, then you've been asking yourself, "Nipsy, when are they going to get around to making another Rocky movie starring Sylvester Stallone as a geriatric title chaser?"  Sometime you'll have to tell me why your call yourself "Nipsy."  Now you can answer, "It comes out in December!"

I know that a lot of movies get made every year, but I still find myself surprised that this one got the green light.  If you are a die hard Rocky Balboa fan worried that this installment will damage the library of greatness that has been thus far assembled, perhaps you should know that Stallone is not just the star, but the writer and director as well.  It is rumored that, for budget purposes, he also plays his own love interest.  

Don't get me wrong.  I loved Rocky.  I can still remember leaving the theater with all of the adrenaline my nine year old body could produce, just looking for some little girl to lip off to me so that I could show her what a world of pain she had entered.  Hey, I was a skinny kid, okay?  But that was thirty years ago!  Sylvester Stallone was an adult (chronologically) way back then.  Now he's sixty.  I realize that we're all living longer these days, but I don't think sixty-year-olds should be boxing, or even pretend boxing. 

Not that Hollywood spends a lot of time worrying about plausibility, but does it make any sense that a boxer in his mid-fifties would get a shot at the title?  Oh wait a minute, we're talking about boxing here.  Somehow the sport has less credibility than professional wrestling these days.  And after all, Evander Holyfield (43) is planning to come back.  George Foreman was 106 years old when he last fought (granted, that was over some pork chops at a buffet, but still).

I haven't seen a trailer for this film yet, and I've lost count of which sequel this is.  Didn't he get diagnosed with brain damage in one of the later episodes (maybe it was Rocky XXVIII - The Depends)?  Some are saying that creates a plot hole in this installment, but I say it helps explain why he would want to fight again.

Do you think he'll train for this fight by beating up dead cows again?  I remember thinking that was very cool when I was nine.  I wonder how many real boxers decided to give that a try after seeing Rocky?  It remains an unfulfilled dream for me, with my best Italian Stallion imitation only producing a deeply bruised Italian sausage.

While the average viewer might be sated by this latest effort, a true Stallone glutton will only be left pining for a Rambo sequel.  But they'll just have to wait...until next year!  It's only in pre-production, so it's not to late to have this movie reveal that John J. Rambo is, in fact, Apollo Creed!  Wouldn't that be great?

Seriously, folks - we're facing a national creativity crisis here.  It is time to turn the nostalgia machine off.  Stop making movies out of what were actually quite bad television shows.  Just because the demographic with the fastest growing incomes lived through an era of polyester sitcoms does not mean that they should be forced to relive it now, even if they appear to like it.  Let's do an intervention on ourselves.  Put down the yearbooks.  Please.  Before it's too late.

Oh, never mind.  It's already too late.  I just did a web search to try to find a TV show from the 70s that is not being made into a movie.  There aren't any.