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Buffet Gives Away $37 Billion...To Bill Gates!

NEW YORK, NY - Politicians often like to say that rich folks are not kind and loving and generous.  Listening to some stump speeches, one gets the impression that America's wealthy are nothing but a bunch of Scrooges, sitting at home on a pile of gold, caring nothing for the less fortunate souls of the world. 

Times are tough, even for guys who run multibillion dollar companies.

Clearly, these politicians are wrong, judging by the generosity of Warren Buffet, who just gave enough money to buy several of the countries ending with "istan" to Bill Gates. 

U.S. Out of World Cup Hunt

BERLIN, GERMANY - In what can only be considered the largest shock in the history of sport, the United States will not defend her eleven straight World Cup triumphs in 2006, having been bounced out of the tournament by Ghana, which may not even be a country.

The world has come to think of the U.S. as the "futbol capital of the world," where children are born with a silver goalie in their mouths.  But for this year, at least, it looks like some other, lesser known country will win.

Columns                                      

Christobol - Waging Wage War

Gertrude Sez

Peace Continues to Evade Middle East

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL - Palestinians hoping to further the cause of brotherly love abducted an Israeli soldier in a border crossing raid.

Nothing like a little hostage taking to bring joy and love to a region.

Isreal has responded by indicating that it just might kill everyone in the region.

Meanwhile, terrorists in Iraq continue to kill civilians and Iran wants to nuke puppies for electricity.  SSDD.

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Rethinking Sex Education

U.S.  -  Here lately it seems like the federal government may need to step in and write some sex-education guidelines.  It just does not appear that there is clarity at the local level regarding which approach works best to reach every student.

In Florida, for example, the strategy has been for teachers to seduce students in the back of a car while another student drives across county lines (unprotected county line sex being one of the trouble areas endangering teens).

In Texas the strategy is a bit less "hands-on," with teachers preferring to post topless photos on the internet.

Many adults are outraged, and rightly so.  When we were kids we had to settle for fat gym teachers showing us cartoon films featuring "Captain Syphilis."

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Madame Bovine now offers a special powder that will remove evil spirits from even the most haunted of toilets.

Jack Johnson School of Useless Skills has ten great game time snack recipes involving hummus. 

Al's Corner Gas still has one hotdog that has been under a heat lamp since 1977.  It's not for sale, but you really owe it to yourself to smell this thing.

Garreth Keenturd, Esq.  -  Now over 26 days without a defendant executed! 

For Sale:  56 hours of video of my step son learning to ride a two wheeler.   

 Lurlene's Bar & Grill - "Designated Drunk Driver" night has been suspended pending legal action.

Found: Rosie O'Donnell action figure.  Or else it's "Gay Porn Ken".